Willpower leads to failure.
Have you ever tried to break a habit by sheer willpower and failed? It didn’t work for me either.We are told over and over that more willpower will lead to better outcomes. All you need to do is get more willpower. Unfortunately, this is not true.
Willpower is exhausting. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to stay firm and focused in willpower.Repeated exposure to temptation wears you out. When you’re exhausted you’re weak. That’s exactly when willpower fails.
When you fail in willower you start to believe in failure, and this my friend is a downward spiral.Happily, there is better way to dismantle your habits. It’s quite simple , but it takes some deep looking.
Here’s the key.You’ve got to understand what holes the habits are trying to fulfill.Once you see what you believe to be lacking, you fill those holes with what your heart truly yearns for.
Lets go take a deeper look at this.
Your heart wants you to be happy.
What do you really want in life? Most likely, at the top of the chain, is happiness and peace. Everything you do is in pursuit of this lofty goal.
Here’s the problem, you’ve been conditioned into believing that its the conditions of your life that make you happy.Conditioned beliefs such as right job, house, friends, or partner are the source of happiness.
How much money do you need until you feel safe?
How many “likes” do you need to feel like you’re a somebody? Did you learn to please others so they’’ll like you? Every child has. It’s part of our survival as humans.
Are you the person who works really hard thinking you’ll have time to play later?What happens when things don’t work out? Do you beat yourself up inside, or blame others?
Did you take a job or follow a career path because it pays well? Is your heart in your work? Are you afraid to follow you dreams?
What if you could just drop the conditions and be happy no matter what? That my friend is true freedom.
Watch for should, would, could, and trying and but.
How often do you do, “what should be done” before taking time for what your heart wants to do?What is the condition for you? Money in the bank? The right relationship?Recognition? Losing weight? More security?
You get tired. You get stressed. You get bored. You need relief.
If life’s not sweet enough, you’ll seek substitutes. Perhaps it’s something bright or stimulating, or a little something to numb the pain so you can just get through another day.
Behind every habit lies a positive intention.
You need joy in your life! Habits are an attempt to fulfill that need.Habits are guilty pleasures, and compensation for monotony. They add color, variety, to an otherwise dull life.
Importantly, habits provide a temporary diversion from the feeling of pain and sorrow.As compensation, you develop an internal dialog of justifications and deservedness.
“I’ve worked hard today. I deserve to eat this bowl of ice cream and watch TV.”
Unfortunately most habits further alienate you from deeper connections with yourself and others. Habits reinforce themselves through feelings of guilt, shame, anger, and worthlessness.
Having more pain to avoid from the habits themselves drives the need for more habits. It’s a viscious cycle. Habits drive more habits.
Incase you’re wondering, even healthy habits can be compensation too.
Willpower’s not all bad…
Ok so there is a place for willpower. It’s in using the power of the will to observe what beliefs and stories the habits are serving.
Gotta know to let go. Identify the self-limiting beliefs that drive your habits, and understand how you adopted them.
Many of the questions above are directed towards this. Basically understand what under the layers of your fears.
Take time to connect. Giving space and attention to that voice in your head is key to understanding what drives the habits.
Get in touch with your feelings: Take 5 minutes to just sit and ask yourself what am I feeling right now?
Fill yourself with the sweetness of life rather than artificial replacements. Nurture yourself in ways that truly make you feel whole and complete.
What would be sweet for you? A walk in the woods. Meeting with friends. Time for creativity. Reading a good book. Time for yourself.
As you allow yourself to do less and experience more ease, freedom, and love, you’ll watch the habits melt away like ice cream on a hot day.
If you are the type of person who needs help dismantling your habits schedule a 30 min consultation here. We can meet in person or via Skype.
I didn’t do it all on my own. I’ve had others help me see what I couldn’t see. It is my passion to be a mirror for those who are ready to start looking for their own path home.
Kimberly Sotelo been to hell and back, and that’s ok. She knows she is not her name. Kimberly has a dedicated her life to inspiring other to life a more fulfilling life from the inside out.
Kimberly is the owner and founder of Inner Sunshine Yoga and Wellness, developed the Inner Wisdom Outer Grace 200hr Yoga Teachers Training, Thai Yoga Therapist, and Spiritual Guide. She is a mother and wife and knows that balance is never static. Contact her here